Ooops, I did it again...

Sorry....I know I have said that before, and at the time I am sure I meant it, as I do at this moment...ok I sort of mean it. My head is full and I have been putting this off for so long. I can't even put together a complete thought before I am on to another one. Then I get on here and I don't even know what to say...or type I guess. So much to talk about so little time...Ok I have plenty of time, but I am busy binge watching the Gilmore Girls. Started a new job at a CPA firm...and I am completely lost...can't wait for tax season to be in full swing and me to be a curled up in the corner crying and shaking repeating "I love my job" over and over. Then there is a guy...and that is enough about that! And yes this is what goes on in my head all of the time but much faster and makes way less sense...but we will get into that later...

Thanks but no thanks

Just as I suspected I got the "Thanks but no thanks" email today.....sigh. I have actually taken it better than I thought I would. I guess that is the one perk of being negative...always expect the worse so you won't be disappointed! :) I know that is part of what is wrong with me though. I wish I wasn't like this...and I use to not be.

I think the turning point for me was when Glen passed away. I don't think I ever truly recovered from losing him. But then how do you recover from someone saying I'll be right back and telling you they love you and never coming home. I probably shouldn't have gone to see him in the hospital after he was gone...that is the only way I can remember him now. Even after almost 8 years it is still hard to shake it all. It ruined me in a way....in a lot of ways actually. I haven't opened up to a man since. How can I???

Man I have issues....actually my issues have issues that have issues!

Weepy Wednesday

Happy Wednesday Bloggy People!!!

Ok well I am not that happy, still haven't heard anything on the job that I want so badly. I have convinced myself that I didn't get it. Best to be surprised rather than disappointed?!?! Maybe that is my problem. I use to not be this bad...what the hell happened to me?

I also don't know how to get back into the dating game. I really suck at it. I am so closed off, I have been hurt, in one way or another and just can't seem to let the wall down. I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to. I should probably seek professional help...but my insurance SUCKS...so I can't afford it.

Well this is a pity party blog isn't it?! I guess I should have said Happy Weepy Wednesday! I just need something....anything good to happen to me to make me feel better about myself. This has been a pretty bad year all around...maybe 2015 will be good! I should end this blog now before I put all of you in a bad mood....

Fingers Crossed and Prayers Appreciated!!!

That is right folks...two in one day! Nothing quite like sitting home on a Saturday night and catching up on your DVR to bring out the writer in you! So I guess I should catch you up a little. Not sure where I left off though....I had to have surgery in Feb, pre cancerous crap, so I figured since he was going to be in there might as well tie the old tubes...that is right folks....NO MORE BABIES! One and done for this woman! Still haven't had the chance to test it out yet....yep that is correct no man for me...yet. I take complete responsibility for that....I was told this evening, by a man, that I am as affectionate as a cactus...or some shit like that. It is true and I admit it...that is the first step, right?!

So my job SUCKS! Maybe sucks is to harsh a word....if you are 39 yrs old and had almost 20 years of experience in accounting and got passed up for a promotion, with the excuse from your boss that they went with someone with a little more experience, for a 25 yr old Pharmacy Tech, who's daddy has been with the company forever, making your job suck then yes mine does:) Fucking politics....sigh! I have really let it go....I do my job and go home.

I interviewed for a job the other day that I really, really, really, really want!!!! My mind automatically jumps to the fact that I never get anything that I want this badly, then there is a little part of my brain that says why shouldn't I get it?! I should know by the end of this coming week....so fingers crossed and prayers appreciated!!!

I am going to Houston next weekend for the Motley Crue concert with my younger sister and another friend of mine. It should be interesting to say the least. My friend and I aren't as close as we use to be and there have been some....issues....that we never talked about. So this will either be a blast...or it will be  a disaster. I'll let you know what side of the coin that lands on!

Well gotta close for now....that DVR isn't going to catch up on itself;)

Sorry Guys....

I know...I know...I have been MIA for a long time!!! SO much has happened....and none of it is good it seems. I am starting to think that someone out there hates me. So much to talk about and so little time it seems. I will be here more now...promise!!! Hugs and stuff!

OUCH

So many things have been going on....sigh! Mostly just stuff with B and his ADHD. We are STILL trying to find a medicine that works:-/ I have started the process of having him tested for special education...which breaks my heart. I don't care one way or another...I just don't want him to have to be made fun of because he doesn't learn as quickly as everyone else. His insurance deductible started over, so you have to pay everything out of pocket (no copay) until the deductible has been met. His dad is in kidney failure, so it gets met pretty quickly....but that still puts a financial burden on me.

We are looking to get a used (new to us) car once I get my income tax. Princess, that is our car now, has got 250K miles on her, and she is a minivan...which makes it look like I have 15 kids when I only have one! Men love it though....turns some heads....NOT! We will get something smaller, car probably, I hate cars (I am a truck girl) but I need something with good gas mileage.

Lastly, for the first time ever, I had to have a biopsy on my cervix today. The doctor said he has done a lot of them and mine by far was the hardest he has ever done. I have never heard a doctor apologize so much, because he knew how much pain he was causing me. Why? Because my uterus is pointed backward, so my cervix is pointed down, or something like that. It was extremely painful. I waited until they left the room to cry...OUCH! He said that he thinks everything looks good though, so that makes me feel better. Just have to wait on the results, 7-10 business days:) As of now, I am still uncomfortable, but it isn't terrible.

Hope everyone is having a good week:)

I HATE THAT!

I don't get men!!! Why can't they just tell you what they want?!?! You will get a whole lot further with me if you do! UGH! Then there is this one guy....I can't stop thinking about! I HATE THAT! Why can't stop I stop thinking about him?!?! I always want the guys that are going to hurt me!!! It will end bad, there is no good outcome! How come I always go for the ones that are going to end badly....for me at least...sigh. I was supposed to see him this weekend...but now that won't happen. How can I be so infatuated with someone that I haven't even touched?!? I have never felt like this for someone....and it SUCKS!

Anyways taking B to see his dad this weekend...decided I would stay and visit and see some friends I haven't seen in a while. I hope I have a good time...cause I could really use a good time...