W5D2

So far W5 hasn't been that bad! Today was Warm up walk for 5 mins, then run for 8 mins, walk 5 mins, run 8 mins then cool down! I was actually surprised that I could run for 8 mins! When I think back to W1...I couldn't hardly run 1 min! It just seems like I have been at this forever!

My depression has been rearing its ugly head last week and this week. Of course Mother Nature is in full force, so that probably has something to do with why I hate my life this week...well that and the fact that I miss my son! B has been at his dads all last week and this week:(  I am ready for him to be home! There are other factors too, BD new girlfriend and I don't see eye to eye, and the loss of my favorite DJ of all time Kidd Kraddick! I know it will get better though just gotta keep Kidd's motto in my mind!

"Keep Lookin' Up...Cause that is where it all is!"

Keep Lookin' Up....

I have been in mourning since last night. Kidd Kraddick passed away yesterday. I didn't know him personally, but I felt as though he were family. I have been a loyal listener for as long as I can remember. I have been so emotional over it, which probably has something to do with Mother Nature showing up this morning. But honestly, I feel like I have lost part of my life. Five days a week I tuned in every morning. My heart is broken:'(  I figured he deserved a shout out on my blog.

Kidd, you were a huge part of my daily routine every weekday morning! I am so grateful for everything that you shared with us. I will continue to listen as long as the show is on the air carrying out your legacy and every year I will give to your Kidd's Kids charity! Nobody will ever replace you. R.I.P.

W4D3...What rain?

Completed W4 just now!!! Decided to go even though it was raining:) It wasn't pouring but it sprinkled on me the entire way. This one was tough though or the last 5 mins were. I guess I am not looking forward to W5:/ I have heard the rumors about W5D3...I am scared to look forward to see what is ahead, I just look at that day! One day at a time right?!

On a completely different subject, today I get to go pack up my younger sisters apartment. She is moving back to Houston:(  Not that I blame her, she had an incredible offer to come back to work for the company she works for. She has been contracting out and working from here. The Manager of HR quit so she was filling in for her for the summer till they got someone else in there. While there they asked her what they had to do to make her stay, she told them and they said yes:) I always wanted a rich sister;)

WOW...

Told y'all I was new to this blog thing so I just saw that I had comments from some people! I guess I never expected anyone to stumble upon my little blog! You put a smile on my face! Thank you for the encouraging words! And Thank you for reading!

I have anxiety about a lot of crazy things, so please don't think that it is just you! I get anxious about following people somewhere or having them follow me. I get anxious for things my son has to do! I get really anxious this time of year. Having to get B ready for school to start, and his birthday, which is right before school starts on top of my regular rent, and utilities. I want to just get everything done, but alas my paycheck won't allow this. I guess in the dictionary next to the word anxious is a picture of me!! What helps me is to make lists of things I need to pay or do, and when I can pay them or do them. If I don't do it, I can't concentrate on anything!

Well Thank you again for being a part of my journey! If you have blogs let me know and I will follow you:)

W4D2 Complete

Even with the Craptastic week that I am having, I managed to complete my W4D2! I keep wondering when I am going to FEEL like a runner?!? I guess it is getting easier, because I can do it for longer periods of time than I could at the beginning, but I still don't feel like a runner. Maybe when I complete the C25K app I will feel more accomplished.

I guess what comes with my depression is low self esteem, even before I had a weight problem. I never felt like I was good enough. I always quit because I assumed I would fail anyways. Which is why I haven't shared this blog with anyone I know personally. I am afraid. I am also not a bragger, I don't like to say hey look at me, look at what I am doing because in my mind the less attention I get the better. And what if I fail?? I also don't like to make people feel bad, if they aren't doing anything.(That sounds crazy I know) I have told a some people, mostly family, then a few people that I trust and know they will be there to support me know matter what. I guess I am just not a in your face kinda girl.

I did fall off the diet wagon this week though. I think it is because mother nature is on her way. Why is it that I feel like I could eat the ass end of a cow the week before she makes her great appearance?!? Oh well, when she does arrive I lose my appetite completely, so I guess it will even out.

2nd try is the Charm!

W4D1 completed on my 2nd try:) I must admit I was depressed and angry that I couldn't finish it Sunday. I decided to read, read, and read some more about running, hydration, breathing and motivation! Those last 5 mins were the longest I have ever had! I pushed on and did it!

Yesterday I decided to up my water intake. I drank at least half of my body weight, in ounces, through out the day. Took a lot of trips to the bathroom, I hope that doesn't last, otherwise my work is going to think I am pregnant or on drugs;)

Also yesterday, I started eating a little something every 3 hours. A friend of mine that I have know for probably 15 years has lost over 150 pounds and started a facebook group. It is really helping with my motivation! He is truly and inspiration to me!

Maybe one day I will tell my FB friends about my blog...

W4D1 OWNED....me

Ok maybe I should look forward on what I have to do each day. I had my first failure:( I made it through most of it, but I just couldn't manage the last 5 min run. My calves were on fire! I am not to sure why though. I am gonna have to google it or ask the forum about it. I let myself down...

80% Diet...

and 20% exercise. That is the key to losing weight...or so I have read. That is where my problem lies. I AM A PICKY EATER! It isn't that I haven't tried different foods, because I have.

I have bought countless diet programs, only to find out that most of the stuff in them I don't like or even know what it is or where to find it! I don't have an endless amount of money to go out and BUY the food after I have BOUGHT the program! I am on a VERY tight budget, and also have a picky eating 11 yr old son in the house. If he doesn't like it he won't eat...or will sneak in the kitchen and make him some popcorn. It is just freaking frustrating! I am not sure where to turn!

 W3D3....OWNED!

Despite my lack of enthusiasm this morning I made it through!!! This morning was the first morning that I just didn't want to do it...I blame it on my laziness yesterday. My calves and thighs burned like fire when I was done! I guess that means I am doing good?!?! I try not to look forward on what the next weeks will bring...I do love surprises and don't want to be scared away.

I managed to sleep most of the night last night only woke up a couple of times and for me that is good sleep! My anxiety has subsided some, because I know what I have to do. I have to make lists of everything that needs to be done and start a schedule of when I can do it, and what can be put off. Putting stuff off is a very hard thing for me to do...of course lack of money makes it necessary! So I text BD (baby daddy) and discussed what he could help with. Think we have it all squared away, now just need to get it done! Although I fight it....I am turning out to be just as big a control freak as my mom.

Stupid, Stupid Anxiety!

My anxiety kicked into high gear about 1:30AM this morning! Anxiety over what you ask??? A phone call I have to make today! Not even that important, I just don't care for the person I have to call! I have never even met the woman, she is just not friendly. I forgot how much the meds helped my anxiety too. Today is going to be a long day... 

    Finally got back to sleep until after 4AM. I couldn't drag myself out of bed when my alarm went off at 5AM:(  Glad it wasn't one of my running days. I walk at least 3 miles on my off mornings. Now I feel like a blob:(

A Little Background Info...

on myself! I am a 38 yr old single mom of one 11 yr old son. I have suffered with depression most of my life. I have tried several different antidepressants and landed on Pristiq in March of 2008. At first it was awesome, then gradually became a nightmare. I was completely unaware of what this medicine did to me. I had NO motivation to do anything, was always hungry, which lead to putting on 50 pounds in 4 years!
 
    I honestly didn't realize that Pristiq was causing all of these things because it gradually came on after a year of being on the meds. It was only when I decided to get off of them in June of 2013 that I made the discovery. While researching how to taper off of the meds, I came across several forums. People were saying the side effects this medicine had caused them! I have now been Pristiq free for a month and a half! It was rough with the withdrawals at first, now everything is clicking like it use to!

    However the 50 pounds is a lot harder to get rid of. I weigh more than I did when I went to give birth to my son! I have never had to deal with a significant weight problem before now. Not only did I need to lose weight but also help my depression. So with my motivation back, I took to walking. After 3 weeks I was up to 3 miles! Then I downloaded a C25K app on my phone, deciding it was time to tackle my bucket list and run a 5K!

    So this is my journey, not only to running (jogging I should say) but to dealing with my depression without meds! I am getting a late start, as I am already on W3D2, but better late than never!

   On a side note, bare with me on the blog thing....I am new to this and don't have a clue what I am doing!